Still A Valentine's Day SmegHead
by AdventureBound
Summary: Lister/Rimmer slash. Lister's got it all planned for Valentine's Day, but a certain mechanoid ruins it and Rimmer decides to do it anyway! Just a bit of fluffy action from my fave pairing! Made for Valentine's Day, a bit early but never mind... OOC


**Hey all, onto my second fic for Red Dwarf and another Rimmer/Lister slash.**

**I like to post one-shots as they seem to be how I write to the best of my ability.**

**A couple of replies to the reviewers of my last fic "A Song For A Winter's Night":**

**Andy0001z: Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it as it makes it a lot more worthwhile in my mind, being so self critical of my work.**

**Cazflibs: I've had a look on the LiveJournal; hope to be joining you guys soon! Also I understand where you're coming from with grammatical errors of my sentences. I am absolutely useless when it comes to commas and sentences but I'm grateful for the help; hope this one reads better than the last one!**

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Lister had been preparing for this very day a whole month now, he had organised everything from the ride down to 'N' deck to the room they would stay in and the place they would eat at. It was going to be the perfect Valentine's day for him and Rimmer, right down to the last smeggin' detail.

Kryten and the Cat would be too far away for concern and Holly was offline for repair especially in that area. Lister wanted him and Rimmer to spend their third Valentines together actually physically together and not being interrupted, laughed at, molested by, prodded by or even ignored by the other two crewmembers…Three if you counted Holly and the way, last year, he'd interrupt just at the wrong moment.

No this year Lister had it all planned out, it was all going to go as he'd planned…

Humming as he sat on his top bunk reading the latest magazine he'd swiped from the girl's quarters, he watched as Rimmer walked in carrying a cup of coffee and a note pad he was engrossed in.

"Hey." Lister smiled, Rimmer smiled back walking up to him and giving him a peck on the cheek before moving over to the chair at the console in the centre of the room. Tomorrow was Valentines Day, Lister was actually excited wondering what Rimmer would have planned that would even come close to what he had planned.

"What ya reading?" He asked, putting down the magazine and resting his head on his arms as he gazed across to Rimmer. Rimmer failed to respond immediately yet he gave a grunt after a moment, looking away to him briefly.

"My last will and testament."

"Excuse me?" Lister almost choked.

"Can you believe what a complete and utter gimboid I used to be?" He tossed it on the desk, clasping his coffee mug in his hands and leaning back in his chair. "I found that video I made of my death, did I really used to be that annoying?" He laughed.

"Nah you're still a smeg-head." Lister smirked from the bunk and Rimmer stood up walking over this time kissing his lips, they were mid kiss when the doors slid open and the Cat walked in.

"Do you two have to do that here; you're ruining a perfectly good situation for me to be absolutely gorgeous." He brushed his hair back, Lister pulled back after a moment and right on cue for Kryten to enter.

"Ah I do believe I've found what you were asking me for Mister Rimmer sir." Rimmer made a chopping sign at his neck signalling for the mechanoid to not speak. Lister had caught it though and was sat up already, his legs dangling off the bunk.

"Too late Kryters spill the beans."

"Kryten no!" Rimmer stood in between them, looking to Lister. "You won't like it."

"Don't be daft." Lister laughed jokingly and set his feet to the ground, walking over to Kryten who gave him the tape.

"Lister…" Rimmer tried looking to him.

Reading the title on the video case he frowned a little… "The last will and testament of Arnold J Rimmer…You videoed your last will and testament?" Lister looked confused at him.

"Well you said I was a smeg-head."

"I already knew that." Lister moved over to the tape player and inserted it into the machine.

"Lister…" Rimmer sighed throwing his hands up in the air as the tape began. They proceeded to watch as he spoke about his life aboard Red Dwarf, about Lister and how utterly annoying and disgusting he was. This stung a little in Lister's chest; did he really feel that venomous towards him? Then after at least half an hour of bashing Lister, Rimmer finally showed the video of his death and then got to his last will and testament in which he left nothing –absolutely nothing – to Lister.

The video ended and there was silence in the room for a few moments until Lister popped the tape out and placed it back in the case.

"I told you, you wouldn't like it." Rimmer laughed half heartedly.

Lister turned smiling a little and handed him the tape.

"Lister I was a complete and utter gimboid a smeg-head unequivocally."

"Yeah." Lister replied a little upset but trying not to let it show. "I'm gonna head down to the control room, seems I have some work to catch up on." Without another word Lister left their shared quarters.

"Lister?" Rimmer asked sighing and looking to Kryten and the Cat when the doors shut.

A few hours later…Lister sat at the memory bank replaying some of his memories from back in the day when they were younger and not aware of their feelings towards each other. It seemed like such a long time ago now, well it was…But it seemed like more than that.

Lister wasn't angry at Rimmer, they hated each other at the start and that was fine. Looking at the screen he laughed gently and sipped his mug of coffee. Rimmer had been stood watching from behind him for the last few moments, he hated how he felt inside. Walking over to him he leant over his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek softly.

There was a silence between them, but no anger. Lister gently gripped Rimmer's wrist, resting his head back against Rimmer's chest. "Sorry for getting mad…"

Rimmer shook his head and kissed his lovers forehead looking into his eyes. "No I'm sorry…Sorry for being such a stupid idiot, I wanted that tape so I could erase it and write a new one."

"It's okay…" Lister smiled turning off the console. "You can keep it if you want, to remind you of the old days when you were a smeg-head." He cocked his head back a little to look into his eyes.

"You mean I'm not a smeg-head anymore?"

"Nah you're my smeg-head." He touched his cheek as they stared for a moment.

"Hey look at that!" Rimmer laughed as he pulled up a chair and watched on the screen as Lister's memories played out. Lister wasn't really interested anymore though so he watched the side of Rimmer's face, all the while sipping at his coffee mug.

"God do you remember that?" Rimmer laughed out and looked to him.

"Hmm?"

"Are you paying attention?" Rimmer asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Of course…"

"What did he I just say then?"

"You said 'are you paying attention.'"

"No I meant, what did I say on the memory device…" Rimmer laughed gently.

"Oh…Umm…" Lister blushed.

"It was very important Lister you ought to take more notice of what I say, when have I ever lead you wrong?"

"If I start writing now I'll probably be done by next Wednesday."

"Ha-ha." He pushed Lister playfully.

"Rimmer?" Lister asked after he stopped laughing, Rimmer never replied he was too engrossed in what he was watching.

"Rimmer?" Lister asked again after a second or two and he 'um'd' his way into the conversation. "I wanted to wait till the morning but…"

"DID YOU SEE THAT?" Rimmer stood and shouted at the screen. "You never ever told me about that Lister!"

"Rimsy…"

"I can not believe what I just saw…" He got hold of the lever to rewind the memories.

"Rimsy…"

"A whole orange!"

"Rimmer…"

"Sideways!"

"RIMMER!" Lister shouted slamming his hand on the table top and standing up to his level, staring at him in the eyes.

"What?" He finally replied with his attention on him.

"I was trying to say something really important to you man something I wanted to give…"

"Hee-ow!" The Cat screeched as they were interrupted again. "I feel like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND Saturdays desert!"

"Cat!" Lister said angrily looking at him. "Don't you know the meaning of privacy?"

"Isn't that what you two do when you're moan…?"

"Cat!" Rimmer shot out before Lister had the chance.

"Look just go, Rimmer and I were just talking and I was trying to tell Rimmer about Valentine's day and…"

"Ah there you all are! Mister Lister I see you've told Mister Rimmer about Valentine's Day, oh you'll love it Sirs Mister Lister spent a whole month planning and putting it all together and working in secret…"

"Kryten…" Lister's voice was about to erupt.

"You should see the champagne he had and the meal in the restaurant oh it's absolutely…"

"KRYTEN!" Lister shouted for the second time and this time the whole room went silent. "I haven't told him about Valentines day yet!"

"Oh…OH MY WORD…" Kryten began to babble sorry in between mutters and fake tears. "Oh sirs how can I ever make it up to you?"

Lister had, had it he wanted five minutes alone with Rimmer and at the moment he couldn't even get his boyfriends attention let alone some quality TLC. "You can start by staying the smeg out of my life!" He shot his angry glance at Kryten; he never got angry like this before.

"And you can take your bloody cat hair care products and stick 'em where the sun doesn't shine." He looked at Cat almost venomously but the worst, the absolute worst look he saved for Rimmer.

"And you can go to smeggin' hell for all I care I'm done with the lot of ya!" Lister threw his hands in the air before walking out of the room in a complete rage. His mind whirled he hadn't meant a word he was just angry and frustrated, he loved Rimmer so much but any time they spent alone was never truly alone even on a ship this size.

"What did I do?" Cat asked looking from Rimmer to Kryten.

"Oh sir…You don't think he'd do anything silly now…" Kryten kicked in looking to Rimmer.

"This all your fault gimboid's." He pointed at Kryten and then to Cat. "And mine…" He added after a moment biting his bottom lip.

"I thought you knew!" Kryten tried.

"I obviously didn't!"

"Oh Mister Rimmer sir…I should go talk to him and try in some way to make it up to him…"

"You'll do nothing of the sort." Rimmer put his hands on his hips. "This is what we're going to do…"

Lister had thought about going to 'N' deck alone and spending Valentines eve/day there by himself to calm down before he faced his friends again. Truth was though he couldn't shy away from the prospect and he'd turned for his and Rimmer's quarters, secluding himself in the bed spread on his top bunk. They had a room of their own of course which they slept in all the time, a big king size bed, these bunks were mostly used for relaxing but still contained the memories of when they wouldn't sleep together.

Pulling the covers over his head as the doors swished open and closed, Lister only hoped to god it wasn't anyone but a scutter.

Cat was probably the quietest animal on the ship, hell he was basically the only walking animal and so when he nudged him Lister almost had heart failure.

"Jesus Christ man, leave me the smeg alone!" His said and re-covered himself with the sheets.

"Hey!" The Cat said and dragged the sheets off of him and to the floor. "You can't lay around here all day feeling sorry for yourself, you've got to get dressed and I'm just the Cat for the job!"

Lister looked at him worriedly but finally obliged and got up…

After a few moments Lister was stood in his best outfit, well the best the Cat could put together in such a short time. He was wearing his black suit, white shirt and black bow tie with a red rose in the top pocket. True it didn't fit as well as it did all that time ago but it still fit and he did look rather smart.

"Perfect." Cat smirked pushing him towards the door.

"Hold on minute you ain't told me where I'm going yet."

"Head down to the XPRESS lifts Kryten's waiting for you there man." Cat smiled and closed the doors so Lister couldn't see him anymore, Lister was dubious. What was going on? What were they planning? All he wanted to do was sulk and be left alone; even after shouting at them they couldn't give him that satisfaction.

So playing along, he made his way slowly down to the XPRESS lifts entrance on their level and true to his word there was Kryten, wearing a butlers outfit with a white towel draped across his left arm as he stood there watching Lister come down the hall.

"Ah Mister Lister sir…" He turned and picked up a pint of beer, handing it to him.

"Thanks…Kryten but what the…"

"No time to explain sir you've got a lift to catch."

"But…" Lister tried but he was ushered into the lift and seated at one of the usual chairs, Kryten got him a couple of magazines to read and put on one of his favourite soppy films but one that had a happy ending. "Enjoy your trip sir." Kryten said and entered the destination before stepping out of the lift without giving Lister a chance to get a word in edge ways.

The lift started up and Lister looked around a few moments, he was about to get up and go to see what his destination was when the scutter's stopped him, handing him a bag of popadoms to nosh on in case he got hungry.

"Guys…" He tried but they backed off. Finally after an hour or so, the EXPRESS lift gave the fair warning that the journey was reaching its end and occupants should prepare for departure. By now Lister had, had two or three pints and was feeling a lot more mellow and relaxed.

Standing when the lift stopped the doors opened and there he was. Rimmer in his full black suit, white shirt, black bow tie and red rose in the top pocket…He looked so handsome Lister's heart almost melted right there and then, until the memories of earlier came flooding back and he looked down.

"Bout time you got here. I don't think you realize how long I've been stood here…XPRESS lifts my aunties bottom."

Lister laughed a bit looking back before looking to him again. "Oh I dunno, maybe travelling back will be more interesting than travelling here."

"Maybe." Rimmer smiled taking Lister's hand and finally pulling him out into the corridor slowly.

"Rimmer what's going on?"

"You'll see…" Rimmer had that glint in his eye.

As they traversed the corridor Lister all the while kept wondering what was going to pop out. This was 'N' deck he knew it was from the way it looked and the fact it was written on the walls…

Finally they arrived at the restaurant Lister had set up and made look smart. Rimmer guided him to the table, sat down with him and pulled the lid off of his piping hot curry whilst his own food consisted of steak dinner with all the trimmings.

Lister looked at the meal then looked to Rimmer.

"What the matter?" Rimmer asked; it was worrying enough that he hadn't already started eating his favourite curry.

"Rimmer I…This is wonderful…I'm sorry about earlier I didn't mean to get angry at you man." He picked up the fork leaning his chin in one hand pushing the rice around with the other.

"Hey…" Rimmer touched his arm, pulling it away from his chin and gaining his attention. "You shouldn't be sorry…I wasn't being fair…If I'd have just stopped what I was doing or just listened more this would have been my surprise."

Lister stared at him lovingly for a moment; he couldn't picture his life without him in it anymore. "I love you."

"I love you too." Rimmer replied without even the hint of a questionable action in his voice.

With that Lister moved his hand up to grab Rimmer's jacket, pulling him in for a loving and yet passionate kiss. For Lister he'd never felt more loved by anyone, Rimmer was perfect to him in every way.

Rimmer unknowingly felt exactly the same. Lister was the only man who'd ever made him feel like a man, like someone who belonged somewhere in the vast universe. When they broke for air Lister pushed his hands up to his lover's neck and gently thumbed it soothingly.

"I'm not hungry…" He whispered.

Rimmer shook his head. "Neither am I…"

The night of love, of passion and desire and want passed too quickly and too heatedly. They wanted and needed each other so bad they'd barely made it to the room that was laced with rose petals, clothes now strewn across the floor and two semi naked bodies lay together underneath the sheets of the room with the best view of the stars.

"Do you think Kryten and the Cat…?"

"Oh no…" Rimmer interrupted. "I made sure they knew their place was well away from here before I came down."

"I feel pretty bad for having a go at them…It's not like me Rimsy, what's wrong with me?" He sat up on his elbow and Rimmer stroked his arm slowly looking up at him.

"You're tired, fed up and just generally pissed off. We all have days like that, Kryten and the Cat didn't take any offence to it they understand."

"I…If I ever act like that again shoot me!"

"Never."

Lister snuggled into Rimmer's chest enjoying the feeling; the warmth he wondered when he was going to wake up it was almost too good to be true.

They'd spent the last 5 days down there it was wonderful…Lister had never felt more in love and Rimmer was on cloud 1009, their last day away from reality ended with them taking a long stroll around 'N' deck talking and laughing about the good old days. Occasionally Rimmer would spot a machine that they used to fix right back at the beginning and they'd remark how even after 3 million years nothing had changed.

The best part of their tour of the mind ended in their observation deck, a clear glass dome on the side of the ship. It actually reminded him of Kochanski's grave a few observation decks across. Wrapping his arm around Rimmer's waste he looked out into the stars as Rimmer rested his cheek against his head.

"Thank you." He said after a moment, Lister looked to him curiously.

"What for Rimsy?"

"For loving me but most of all for the Valentines present…You know you're a real romantic when it comes down to it." He smirked.

"Anything for you my little smeg head."

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**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Cute fluffyness! **

**Please read and review! **


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